I saw you today, laying there in your new clothes wrapped up underneath a blanket.
You looked so peaceful and beautiful.
I went there for closure.
It didn't work at all.
The whole time I was there, I felt like you were going to open your eyes and surprise me.
I felt like you were going to text me as soon as I left.
I feel like you will call anytime and ask to hang out.
None of this makes sense to me.
It just doesn't add up.
I want to accept it and know that your in Heaven with the two most important men in your life - God and your dad.
Maybe I'm being selfish.
But I don't know how else to be.
I just want you back. I want you here.
I want to hug you, tell you I love you. I want to hang out, and make a million more memories together.
But I can't. And I won't be able to.
I've shed more tears this past two days than in the last many years combined.
I'm sad...but I know I haven't even accepted it yet.
It's still unreal to me. So incredibly unreal.
I knew this day could come, but I never thought it would.
I wish people knew the bond we had. Maybe I wouldn't feel so lost then. But I honestly feel like not one person truly knows how much fun I had with you, and how much we loved each other.
I love you. I love you sooo much. So much more than even I knew until now.
I knew how bonded you were. I understand. I really do. It hurts so much for me to see you hurt so much. I feel so helpless. You just have to remember that she knew how much you loved her, she is no longer lonely or sad or having a bad day. True peace has consumed her now because she's home...with her daddy. No more sorrow. No more pain. I love you hannah, please keep talking to me and sharing your feelings. I can at least try to understand the things I don't. I know this is all very strange and surreal. But time time will heal us and acceptance will come.
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