Weakness

Are you the type of person who feels better after a good cry?

I'm not.

Instead of feeling relief, I feel ashamed and embarrassed.

I know I shouldn't, but that's just always how I've been.

After reading a blog written by a friend a couple weeks ago...I did nothing but cry.

The blog hit home. It was relating to something I went through a short time ago.

I felt so stupid, and thankfully, Dan was in bed. However, he happened to wake up and come out to the living room to give me a hug - just in perfect time to see tears rolling down my cheeks.

I rarely cry. I rarely get so upset that I feel the need to cry. But once in a while things will hit me.

Over Christmas break this year, I had a lot on my mind. There's no need to go into what those things were...but they were filling my brain with stressful thoughts and I wasn't able to focus on much of anything. When I returned home, I had so much built up in me that I felt like I was going to explode. And although (after reading the blog) I only cried for a few minutes, I felt like I had cried weeks of built-up emotions out of my body.

I always say I need to become more in-touch with my emotions. I need to let others in so that I have someone to turn to on the rough days. I've had some amazing things happen to me this past year or so, but some really terrible things as well. I'm only human. Things do get to me.

I guess this is my way of attempting to open up. I don't think I'm doing such a good job at it, but it's an effort. I just have to remind myself that I am strong. I've created a wonderful life for myself despite the hard times. I've tried to grow from things and not let them affect my daily attitude. I usually do a good job, but like I said, I'm only human.

And I must admit - having Dan hold me for those few short minutes that I cried felt amazing. It was a feeling I'm not used to.