From One to Two

I'm laying here, in bed, feeling Isabelle move around in my stomach. I just got Abigail to bed a little bit ago after about an hour of much-needed snuggling on the couch. She isn't always that way, but for some reason tonight she just wanted mommy to hold her tight and close...and I loved it. 

As I lay here feeling Isabelle move, I can't think of how different my life will be once she's in the real world with us all. We will have two children. That's crazy to think about. But what's harder for me is accepting the fact that Abigail will no longer be my only baby. She's not going to have 100% of my undivided attention every day when daddy is gone at work. She will have to share me, and I will also have to share her. It's so exciting thinking that we are providing her with a lifelong best friend. Having a sister is one of the biggest Blessings that life can bring you. But for some reason I lay here feeling guilty knowing that I only have 9 short weeks with her...just her. 

Don't get me wrong, I can't wait to meet Isabelle and for our family and love to grow. I know that the moment I meet this baby girl, I will love her just as I love Abigail. But I truly believe there is a special kind of bond and love between Abigail and I that no one will ever be able to take. She is the little girl that made me a mommy. She is the reason I am now a softer yet stronger, more loving person than I ever knew possible for myself. She may not be my "only baby" for much longer, but she will always be my "first." Becoming a mother has taught me that the amount of love I have in my heart is unmeasurable. And I know it will continue to surprise me as our family grows. I'm so eternally grateful to have Dan by my side through it all.

For the next nine weeks, I plan to continually treasure each moment I have with my little family of three (plus Charlie). We have a beautiful life and I'm so thankful I'm able to create such wonderful memories with Abby before she becomes a big sister. She amazes me each and every day with her intelligence, wittiness, silliness, and loving heart. She's such a beautiful little soul and brings me so much happiness. 

Although I'm in a lot more pain than I care to go into, I'm in no hurry for these 9 weeks to fly by. Each day that passes, though it may be uncomfortable, is a new opportunity for me to love on and soak up time with my first born :). 

I may not have this all figured out just yet....but I know  one thing for sure: becoming a mommy is what I was meant to do. God had this plan for me and I plan on making him proud.