Even Though I Feel Lost at Sea...

I've related to this song way too many time in the past couple of years, but... it is what it is.

Find someone.

Find someone who knows you and loves you for who you really are.

Find someone that is willing to tell you all their secrets and yet you still adore everything about them

Find someone that you feel you can trust with everything, and you know will never turn their back on you - despite how upset you might make them.

Find someone who you would consider your best friend and that you can't imagine your life without.

And once you find that person. Hold onto them, and never let them go.

Friend, boyfriend, husband, or wife. It doens't matter. If you find a person like this... that's a rare occasion. Keep them close and be thankful for their heart.

Weakness

Are you the type of person who feels better after a good cry?

I'm not.

Instead of feeling relief, I feel ashamed and embarrassed.

I know I shouldn't, but that's just always how I've been.

After reading a blog written by a friend a couple weeks ago...I did nothing but cry.

The blog hit home. It was relating to something I went through a short time ago.

I felt so stupid, and thankfully, Dan was in bed. However, he happened to wake up and come out to the living room to give me a hug - just in perfect time to see tears rolling down my cheeks.

I rarely cry. I rarely get so upset that I feel the need to cry. But once in a while things will hit me.

Over Christmas break this year, I had a lot on my mind. There's no need to go into what those things were...but they were filling my brain with stressful thoughts and I wasn't able to focus on much of anything. When I returned home, I had so much built up in me that I felt like I was going to explode. And although (after reading the blog) I only cried for a few minutes, I felt like I had cried weeks of built-up emotions out of my body.

I always say I need to become more in-touch with my emotions. I need to let others in so that I have someone to turn to on the rough days. I've had some amazing things happen to me this past year or so, but some really terrible things as well. I'm only human. Things do get to me.

I guess this is my way of attempting to open up. I don't think I'm doing such a good job at it, but it's an effort. I just have to remind myself that I am strong. I've created a wonderful life for myself despite the hard times. I've tried to grow from things and not let them affect my daily attitude. I usually do a good job, but like I said, I'm only human.

And I must admit - having Dan hold me for those few short minutes that I cried felt amazing. It was a feeling I'm not used to.

On Trust.

"If you say you can trust someone then you are admitting to something even greater then love. Trust involves all your thoughts and emotions to be given to someone so they can have. Trusting someone is knowing that you can be hurt so bad that none can even know. This is why trust is a word of great power."

Trust is a funny thing.

So many people have betrayed my trust throughout time. But do I regret trusting them? Not really. I like to give people the benefit of the doubt. When they let me down, it's a lesson learned. It's unfortunate to put a lot of trust in someone only to be disappointed... but that is a part of life. I've trusted some people with my friendship, some with my emotions, some with my deepest secrets, and others with my heart. Thus far, I've been lucky. I appear as an open book, but there's a lot more to me than most people probably know. That is because I rarely confide in people. I keep most of my emotions and feelings to myself. I try my best to share them if they have the possibility of affecting others, but it's not always easy. I wish I was more trusting than I am, but it's hard. I do like to believe that everyone has good intentions though. I can only hope that's true for most people. '

If you know any of my big secrets, or if I've ever shown true and honest emotions around you - feel lucky. Because that means I trust you. Please don't let me down.

If people trust and love you, you will never walk alone.

House Hunting

I never thought looking for a rental home could be so difficult. It's time consuming, obnoxious, tedious, and frustrating. We've kept an eye on craigslist ever since we moved here. We always thought finding a house that fit our criteria would be so easy. Why is it that when you're not able to purchase something, you find hundreds of things that you want?! Yet, when the time comes that you actually get to purchase, there's absolutely nothing that tickles your fancy. We're pretty simple. We want a 2-bedroom place with a yard for under $1,000. Simple enough, right? Wrong.

Although I'm annoyed, I should probably quit my whining. I want a yard because I have the most amazing puppy I could ever ask for. One that really hasn't caused me any trouble. And I want 2-bedrooms so our wonderful families and friends can have a place to stay when they visit. And on top of all that, I have a husband who has the ability to make me feel safe and at ease no matter where I am. He is my rock and I love him so much.



How fortunate am I? Extremely. I couldn't thank God enough for giving me the life I have. But I could ask him for a little help with finding a nice little home for my family ;) hehe.

Happy Tuesday, everyone!

Recently...

It's been a while... I seem to go in phases with this thing.

So, what's new? Let's see.

- I'm still working at the same job (across the street). Am I loving it? No. But, what can you do? I'm looking for something I might love, but it's harder than I expected to find such a thing. But for now, money is money and being right across the street is pretty convenient.

- Dan and I are looking at possibly moving elsewhere when our lease is up, which would be in the end of February. We're pretty excited about (possibly) getting a place with a little more privacy and possibly a yard for the little man :) We're not settling though... we want to find a place we really like (and can afford).

- I've made a friend here who I trust and love! She's been a blessing since I've moved here. Her and I have gotten along great and I can talk to her about anything. Go figure (with my luck), she's moving away in a couple months, but I know that she'll come visit and that we will remain friends.

- Charlie is almost 6.5 months old and 55lbs now! He's getting big, and his personality is getting even bigger. He's extremely smart and we absolutely adore him. Our little family is wonderful and we're adapting to Washington pretty well.

- Happiness seems to fulfill my life most of the time. There are times that I get homesick and miss my family/friends in Eugene. But mommy - wow! - I'm a big girl now ;) Time to act like one I suppose ;) hehe. Thankfully I have my best friend by my side every single day & night. I couldn't be any more thankful for him.

Busy, busy!

Who would have known that a girl with no friends in a new town, no steady job, and no motivation could be so busy?! ;)

Well, I have been.

• Seems like there's always something in the apartment that needs cleaning.



• There's always a job that needs to be searched for.



• There's always an adorable puppy with big black eyes saying "Mommy, walk me!"



• And there's always meals to be cooked and a hubby's tummy to feed ;)



• Worse part is, I haven't been able to sleep so I'm exhausted 24/7
  

Well folks... guess what?!

Despite the fact that I haven't been able to sleep lately, I've been pretty productive!

• I got the job I wanted most! (most conveniently, it's right across the street!)



• Charlie has officially been in the dog park - and he loves it. It's wonderful when I don't have the energy to go on a long walk because he gets such great exercise playing with the other dogs.



• I've made a couple new recipes that Dan & I both love :)



• I'm finally getting my WA drivers license ;)



• AND....dun dun dun.... I think we may have actually made a friend ;) haha! Who would have known that the saying "taking a golden retriever puppy to the dog park is the easiest way to make friends" is true! Ta-da!

For once, tonight, I feel content. I hope this is a sign that things are looking up from here :)

I love my husband. I love my puppy. And I love God for giving me them both :)