I'm going to Hillary's apartment today to help sort through some of her stuff. Also, I'm going to collect a few things that I want to keep.
I'm so scared. I don't know why I feel scared, but I do.
I know that I am afraid to smell you there. Everything is going to smell like you. It's going to break my heart to be there without you.
Gosh. I still can't believe this is real.
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Saturday, July 3, 2010
Missing you.
I saw you today, laying there in your new clothes wrapped up underneath a blanket.
You looked so peaceful and beautiful.
I went there for closure.
It didn't work at all.
The whole time I was there, I felt like you were going to open your eyes and surprise me.
I felt like you were going to text me as soon as I left.
I feel like you will call anytime and ask to hang out.
None of this makes sense to me.
It just doesn't add up.
I want to accept it and know that your in Heaven with the two most important men in your life - God and your dad.
Maybe I'm being selfish.
But I don't know how else to be.
I just want you back. I want you here.
I want to hug you, tell you I love you. I want to hang out, and make a million more memories together.
But I can't. And I won't be able to.
I've shed more tears this past two days than in the last many years combined.
I'm sad...but I know I haven't even accepted it yet.
It's still unreal to me. So incredibly unreal.
I knew this day could come, but I never thought it would.
I wish people knew the bond we had. Maybe I wouldn't feel so lost then. But I honestly feel like not one person truly knows how much fun I had with you, and how much we loved each other.
I love you. I love you sooo much. So much more than even I knew until now.
You looked so peaceful and beautiful.
I went there for closure.
It didn't work at all.
The whole time I was there, I felt like you were going to open your eyes and surprise me.
I felt like you were going to text me as soon as I left.
I feel like you will call anytime and ask to hang out.
None of this makes sense to me.
It just doesn't add up.
I want to accept it and know that your in Heaven with the two most important men in your life - God and your dad.
Maybe I'm being selfish.
But I don't know how else to be.
I just want you back. I want you here.
I want to hug you, tell you I love you. I want to hang out, and make a million more memories together.
But I can't. And I won't be able to.
I've shed more tears this past two days than in the last many years combined.
I'm sad...but I know I haven't even accepted it yet.
It's still unreal to me. So incredibly unreal.
I knew this day could come, but I never thought it would.
I wish people knew the bond we had. Maybe I wouldn't feel so lost then. But I honestly feel like not one person truly knows how much fun I had with you, and how much we loved each other.
I love you. I love you sooo much. So much more than even I knew until now.
My Dear Friend...
Almost 21 years has passed since I've known you...all of which we've been best friends.
You've been more than a friend to me, you've been family.
You never hesitated to be there for me, and you knew I was always there for you, too.
I've never had a friend like you, and I know I never will find another.
You're unique. You're sweet, gentle, caring, beautiful, and kind.
We've had our ups and downs...but who hasn't?
We've shared so many memories, laughter, and tears.
And on this day, I shed tear after tear for you.
Not because I feel sorry for you.
But because I miss you.
I’m filled with regrets, pain, and sadness.
But I know you’re with your daddy.
You’ve always been a daddy’s little girl.
I know he’s taking such great care of you, and I’m sure your smile is more beautiful than ever at this moment.
Tell him I love him, and to give you a huge hug for me.
Just know that I miss and love you more than you can possibly imagine.
I never thought this day would come. And I hate that it did.
But Hilster, you were and always will be one of my very best friends.
My heart will forever hold a place for you.
I love you. I adore you. I miss you.
My best friend, my sister, and now, my Angel.
You've been more than a friend to me, you've been family.
You never hesitated to be there for me, and you knew I was always there for you, too.
I've never had a friend like you, and I know I never will find another.
You're unique. You're sweet, gentle, caring, beautiful, and kind.
We've had our ups and downs...but who hasn't?
We've shared so many memories, laughter, and tears.
And on this day, I shed tear after tear for you.
Not because I feel sorry for you.
But because I miss you.
I’m filled with regrets, pain, and sadness.
But I know you’re with your daddy.
You’ve always been a daddy’s little girl.
I know he’s taking such great care of you, and I’m sure your smile is more beautiful than ever at this moment.
Tell him I love him, and to give you a huge hug for me.
Just know that I miss and love you more than you can possibly imagine.
I never thought this day would come. And I hate that it did.
But Hilster, you were and always will be one of my very best friends.
My heart will forever hold a place for you.
I love you. I adore you. I miss you.
My best friend, my sister, and now, my Angel.
Sunday, June 6, 2010
"Enjoy Life While You Can"
—Idiom
10. take for granted,
a. to accept without question or objection; assume: Your loyalty to the cause is taken for granted.
b. to use, accept, or treat in a careless or indifferent manner: A marriage can be headed for trouble if either spouse begins to take the other for granted
Have you ever stopped to think about all of the things we take for granted? If you don't find yourself ever doing that...take a walk inside a nursing home, a hospital, a cemetery, or even some of the less fortunate places in the world. Take a moment to see what you have that others don't, and never will. Think about how fortunate you are to have your friends, family, etc. And be thankful for your ability. The ability to feel happiness, sadness, anger, love, passion, and so on. Not everyone has that ability. Some people were born with disorders that may inhibit their ability to do such things, and some have lost their lives before they got the chance to experience them.
Please, just think about it. I have a lot lately, thanks to my job. But there is no better way to realize that the time to be happy is now. You never know how long you have to live, orhow often you'll get the chances to enjoy these simple yet amazing things in your life. As a very wise man that I take care of says to me almost every day"enjoy life while you can." Never have I been given better advice.
Love with all of your heart, and make sure the ones you love are reminded every single day.
And remember to open your eyes, take a moment, and just be thankful. This is your only life...so darnit...make it count!
Please, just think about it. I have a lot lately, thanks to my job. But there is no better way to realize that the time to be happy is now. You never know how long you have to live, orhow often you'll get the chances to enjoy these simple yet amazing things in your life. As a very wise man that I take care of says to me almost every day"enjoy life while you can." Never have I been given better advice.
Love with all of your heart, and make sure the ones you love are reminded every single day.
And remember to open your eyes, take a moment, and just be thankful. This is your only life...so darnit...make it count!
Saturday, June 5, 2010
Gone baby, gone...
First day today without Dan here. It hasn't been too bad. I've got an ache in my back and a week full of work to keep my mind busy. I sure miss him a lot already. Long distance (if just over 100 miles counts) can be really tough, but they can be the most rewarding at times. I honestly cannot say I have ever met another couple with communication as good as Dan and I's. We aren't together a majority of the time, so we talk non-stop. We have built our entire relationship on trust...and in the end, I think that is the most important aspect to any relationship. I trust him with my life, and I know that my heart is in great hands. And unfortunately, for the rest of summer, his hands are in Bend, instead of in mine :( One pro of this summer, however: Baseball!!
On a brighter note, the sun came out to play today! It's a beautiful day. Nothing but good things to come for the rest of the month. Two weddings, a bachelorette party that I'm getting to plan, baseball games to attend, and a three-day weekend later this month! Also, now that Dan is away, I get to spend endless time with my family and friends, so I can't complain much there ;) June is going to be a good month...I can feel it! Now all I ask to not feel is the pain in my back that's keeping me from having any fun.
On a brighter note, the sun came out to play today! It's a beautiful day. Nothing but good things to come for the rest of the month. Two weddings, a bachelorette party that I'm getting to plan, baseball games to attend, and a three-day weekend later this month! Also, now that Dan is away, I get to spend endless time with my family and friends, so I can't complain much there ;) June is going to be a good month...I can feel it! Now all I ask to not feel is the pain in my back that's keeping me from having any fun.
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Long time no write...
Busy busy busy....those three little words explain my life right now!
I've been working full-time, and trying to spend as much time with Dan as I can before he leaves for Bend. I'm so excited for him to get to live in such a beautiful warm and sunny town this summer, but pretty bummed about it, too. There's not much else I can say about it other than I really hope this summer is all he hopes it will be.
Work has been going well. I realized that I'm more of a punching bag to these people than a caregiver, but what can ya do. I cannot do anything, unfortunately. But in all honesty, I really do like my job. And I have learned to love and bond with the residents I work with. I get along great with my coworkers, too, which is awesome.
Life has been good :) I've gotten to spend lots of time with Dan this past couple weeks. Every day and night! It's been awesome having him around. If he were here all summer, I doubt we'd be as attached every two seconds, but since I know he's leaving - it's hard not to be. On another note, I've been pretty motivated lately to kick my butt into shape. Although I haven't gone to the gym every day like I would like, I've been going a decent amount and really pushing myself when I am there. I even have an appointment with a trainer this Friday! :) I'm really excited about it, because I know it'll be that extra push and motivation that will help me achieve what I want.
Although I've been busy, every day I can't help but think of the importance in enjoying the little things. Sometimes Dan and I will be sitting there, thinking of things we should go do...when really some of our best moments are spent just in each others arms. There is nothing better than finding the joy in the small things. Being able to be happy and content with what you have in front of you. I love being able to say I had a great day when all it consisted of is hanging out with my family, or with Dan.
Anywho...nothing too insightful. Just hadn't been on here in what seems like forever, so I thought I'd check in. I'm sure I'll be on much more once Mr. Winterstein goes away. Until then, smile, love, and be thankful :) Lord knows I am!
p.s. Sunshine sometime soon would be much appreciated, don't ya think?!
I've been working full-time, and trying to spend as much time with Dan as I can before he leaves for Bend. I'm so excited for him to get to live in such a beautiful warm and sunny town this summer, but pretty bummed about it, too. There's not much else I can say about it other than I really hope this summer is all he hopes it will be.
Work has been going well. I realized that I'm more of a punching bag to these people than a caregiver, but what can ya do. I cannot do anything, unfortunately. But in all honesty, I really do like my job. And I have learned to love and bond with the residents I work with. I get along great with my coworkers, too, which is awesome.
Life has been good :) I've gotten to spend lots of time with Dan this past couple weeks. Every day and night! It's been awesome having him around. If he were here all summer, I doubt we'd be as attached every two seconds, but since I know he's leaving - it's hard not to be. On another note, I've been pretty motivated lately to kick my butt into shape. Although I haven't gone to the gym every day like I would like, I've been going a decent amount and really pushing myself when I am there. I even have an appointment with a trainer this Friday! :) I'm really excited about it, because I know it'll be that extra push and motivation that will help me achieve what I want.
Although I've been busy, every day I can't help but think of the importance in enjoying the little things. Sometimes Dan and I will be sitting there, thinking of things we should go do...when really some of our best moments are spent just in each others arms. There is nothing better than finding the joy in the small things. Being able to be happy and content with what you have in front of you. I love being able to say I had a great day when all it consisted of is hanging out with my family, or with Dan.
Anywho...nothing too insightful. Just hadn't been on here in what seems like forever, so I thought I'd check in. I'm sure I'll be on much more once Mr. Winterstein goes away. Until then, smile, love, and be thankful :) Lord knows I am!
p.s. Sunshine sometime soon would be much appreciated, don't ya think?!
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