Saturday, January 5, 2013

Saving others

One of the things I struggle with most in life is the inability to "save" someone I love.  

It pains me to know someone I care about is feeling sorrow, frustration, or helplessness.  I wish more than anything that I could take the pain from them and deal with it myself.  I know I'm not the strongest person, but I also know that I would take almost every burden from those I love.  

I had a really hard time realizing I was unable to "save" Hillary a couple years ago.  I made it one of my life goals to make sure I was always there for her, and to keep her out of pain.  I have now come realize that I did what I could.  And honestly, I think I did a pretty good job most days.

When my sister is down it affects me in a whole other way.  She is my best friend; my blood.  I love her more than anything and I wish I could help her more than I am able.  I am doing all I can.  I have said endless prayers and done my best to let her know I am here when she needs me.  I don't think she doubts my love.  I really do have hope that she will find true happiness some day.  She just has to beat this disease that's eating her up.  

I have Faith. And I will continue my prayers.  God is great, and I know that.

In the meantime...I will hang on to every smile I see her crack.  Words can't begin to explain how warm my heart gets when I see that beautiful girl smiling.


Thursday, December 13, 2012

A friend...

It's amazing how one person can have such an affect on your mood on any given day.

One kind thing they say. One thought they share with you. Or even just a little reminder of how much they care about you.

It's nice to know you're loved :)

It's even better when someone knows the real you, inside and out, and still adores you.

Bedtime

Another day has come & gone.

I am laying in bed, unable to sleep. I have many thoughts occupying my mind, yet I can't put a finger on any one in specific.

Tonight I am feeling a partial sense of pride and accomplishment in myself, yet part of me feel disappointed and ashamed. It's a weird feeling. So, because I am going to make the best of this day ...I am choosing to close my eyes, say my bedtime prayer, reflect on the many good things that happened today, and look forward to a new and beautiful day ahead of me.

Goodnight world.

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Thought of the day.

"My worse days in recovery are better than my best days in relapse."

A statement has never been proven so true. Working on myself is hard. The pressure I put on myself is unbearable at times, and that scares me. And one of the hardest things is admitting you need help, and then getting it.

Lord made us all imperfect. And we need to strive for greatness, not perfection. I know that, now I just need to make it happen.

Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Thanksgiving


We attended a new Church last Sunday, and I thought I would share what I took from it.

Luke 17:11-19 shines light on how amazing God's power is, and also how important it is to be thankful for the many blessings we are given.  In case you aren't aware of this story, here it is:

11 Now on his way to Jerusalem, Jesus traveled along the border between Samaria and Galilee. 12 As he was going into a village, ten men who had leprosy met him. They stood at a distance 13 and called out in a loud voice, “Jesus, Master, have pity on us!”
14 When he saw them, he said, “Go, show yourselves to the priests.” And as they went, they were cleansed.
15 One of them, when he saw he was healed, came back, praising God in a loud voice. 16 He threw himself at Jesus’ feet and thanked him—and he was a Samaritan.
17 Jesus asked, “Were not all ten cleansed? Where are the other nine? 18 Has no one returned to give praise to God except this foreigner?” 19 Then he said to him, “Rise and go; your faith has made you well.”


When we say the words "thank you" it gives God glory.  It also grows your heart and deepens your relationships.  Saying thank you isn't enough, however; you have to mean it.  How do you show you mean it?  Be specific and genuine, go out of your way to say it, and say it in a way that each specific person will understand.  Gratefulness is contagious, as is ungratefulness.  I promise you that if you go out of your way to tell a family member, friend, co-worker, or whomever it may be that you are thankful for them and why, they will appreciate you so much more and will often times express their gratitude back towards you.  And trust me, it feels good to say it and hear it.  It's human nature to want to be appreciated.  And it's great character to express it.

I have learned that what you appreciate tends to get better, and what you depreciate tends to get worse.  We all need to work on this in ways, myself included.  I know I take my health and beauty for granted, but I am working on being thankful for what I have.  Truth is, I am so blessed.  My late friend Hillary has had a very big role in helping my self-acceptance.  She always saw so much beauty in me and I (very often) sub-consciously hear her telling me how beautiful I am when times get tough.  She really is my Angel.  My recent discoveries have really taught me that a powerful testimony of God is thankfulness among people facing adversity.  I am so glad that during my times of struggle, I am able to turn to God and I know that he is listening.  And despite how it may seem at times, I really am thankful for all he has given me and I do thank him every single day in prayer.

So please, express your gratitude to those around you.  Take a few minutes out of your day to send a card to loved ones, to make a couple phones calls, send a text, say a prayer - however it is that you feel comfortable.  We only have one life to live, and if we trust in God and live our life to the fullest, we will continue to be blessed with the many joys that life brings forth.  

Remember, the men with leprosy trusted in God when he told them to go show themselves to the Priest.  And before they even arrived, they were healed.  They didn't question the Lord and in return, the Lord blessed them.  Sometimes we have to believe and trust, even when it seems impossible. The Lord is there, and will always be there.  Just love him and live your life to make him proud.

Friday, November 16, 2012

Boredom!

This boy is the only thing that keeps me sane while I'm not working.

I always pictured that staying at home and not having the responsibility of going to work would be easy. Given, it's not exactly difficult. But I am no stay-at-home type. I go crazy without someone to talk to, or something to do. I keep myself occupied with cleaning (sometimes), cooking, grocery shopping, and going on jogs here and there... But I miss having a place I had to be at a certain time. Not to mention I miss the extra money! This will be much better someday when I have a baby to look after, but until then, this furry four-legged cutie will definitely do! I am seriously so lucky to have him. He brings me so much happiness just by looking at his cute face.

Hopefully soon I will be well and I can work again!

Thursday, November 15, 2012

Happy Birthday, Dan!

Today is Dan's 24th Birthday!

I am so lucky to be in love with my best friend.


I really couldn't ask for a better husband.  

I am so blessed and in love.