One of the things I struggle with most in life is the inability to "save" someone I love.
It pains me to know someone I care about is feeling sorrow, frustration, or helplessness. I wish more than anything that I could take the pain from them and deal with it myself. I know I'm not the strongest person, but I also know that I would take almost every burden from those I love.
I had a really hard time realizing I was unable to "save" Hillary a couple years ago. I made it one of my life goals to make sure I was always there for her, and to keep her out of pain. I have now come realize that I did what I could. And honestly, I think I did a pretty good job most days.
When my sister is down it affects me in a whole other way. She is my best friend; my blood. I love her more than anything and I wish I could help her more than I am able. I am doing all I can. I have said endless prayers and done my best to let her know I am here when she needs me. I don't think she doubts my love. I really do have hope that she will find true happiness some day. She just has to beat this disease that's eating her up.
I have Faith. And I will continue my prayers. God is great, and I know that.
In the meantime...I will hang on to every smile I see her crack. Words can't begin to explain how warm my heart gets when I see that beautiful girl smiling.
